First, I was hoping to have this blog post done much sooner, but…life.

When I shared with my wife the answer to the prayer in which I finally asked the right question, she painfully agreed. I need every reader to know that our love was real and still is; it just isn’t, nor can it ever be, complete. I also want to emphasize that this is our story…our journey, and everyone’s is different. There are many marriages between straight and gay/bi/pan/asexual spouses that work. I have a very dear friend who is in one of these marriages and they are amazing together. In making their decision to marry and then, after some very difficult times, stay together, they looked to their God and Maker for help and guidance. Personal revelation is key when making these kinds of decisions. There is NOT a cookie cutter answer as much as we’d like there to be one.

When I said that my wife painfully agreed, it was not without serious thought and prayer. She was constantly praying for guidance and had felt for some time this may be the answer. As we talked through our tears, we realized that we couldn’t make this decision until we were absolutely sure. We needed confirmation of our inspiration, especially as it did not make sense according to current church doctrine and policy. So, we continued to pray individually, and, as we shared our experiences, the answer stayed consistent. We also prayed together, both at home and on the grounds of 2 different temples (this was during the pandemic shutdown and no temples were open). It did not change. We knew that our Heavenly Father had something different in mind for us.

So, committed to leading with love, we started to discuss what this meant. Would I move out and when would that happen? What was our timeline? Would I start dating? Would she? How would we work family events? When do we tell our kids? Should we wait until our youngest graduates from High School?  So many questions and so few answers. And then there was the pain of separating when our love truly was real, just not complete.

We decided to plan a weekend trip to see our older boys and their wives to tell them about our decision in person. This is not a conversation that either of us ever thought we would have. They caught on and insisted we tell them via Facetime. While they were disappointed, they were not surprised and were very supportive. After hearing other’s stories where families’ reactions were much different than ours, I know we are very lucky. Even our boys’ in-laws have shown us nothing but love and kindness through it all. We still went for the weekend and had a very sweet experience. I am still brought to tears thinking of the warmth and love we have been shown from our family.

A few months later I moved out and into the basement of a friend’s house.

It’s been a year since that move…we are still working out the details of our lives moving forward and are still very good friends.

While this isn’t the end of my story, the purpose of this blog was not to be a chronological telling of my life, but to share thoughts, struggles and triumphs of living as a gay man in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Now that you know the history of how I came to be where I am today, I hope it gives you a background and context for what I will share moving forward.  I don’t pretend to have any answers nor can I predict what lies ahead, but I hope that what I share can help others in similar situations find solace, knowing they are not alone.

Until next time, be well and Believe.